This lake side is the only escape of my thoughts , feelings confusion whether it is about the love which I confessed or the rejection I got .

The setting sun scattering it's soft hues accross the water and another side the black clouds covering whole sky . Just like my feelings...the shine of sun long gone just left with truth , even not a hope .

This word "hope".. kills more than "reality. "

My eyes glued to the sun with a smile . But I don't know why I am smiling because I want to cry ..to pour my pain out . It is eating me up but still not a single tear .

Last night , when I confessed him about my feelings towards him ...he rejected me ..And , I want to laugh on myself! How unhinged I was , even after knowing he doesn't feel same ,still I confessed.

Because we only met ...no no I only saw him a single time and fell for him and how I am supposed to think that he also felt something for me it those 5 seconds.

And what hurt me most was neither that girl holding his hand and calling him ,baby or whatever..because I know it is his life we can't force anyone to feel same for us nor him saying he is my brother's bestfriend, for me it was more like excuse ...but still.

Worst thing was that he said may be I was attracted towards him .... seriously I am not that small where I don't even know the difference between attraction and love ....that was it ..I thought it was my mistake to confess .

I think there was a hope before I confessed him but that last hope also broke last night .

I know someday ,I have to face this ....even after knowing he doesn't feel same towards me ,I confessed because somewhere there was a hope ..that yes he feels the same towards me.

That he will say Yes , I also love you .

But it was never him , these were my imagination.

That was me , my heart .. thinking all this but now what everything is in front of me .. I wanted to cry so that may be I will feel light but to make it worse not a single tear slipped from my eye .

I am not forcing him to have same feelings which I had towards him because I know love can't be begged. But at the same time I want him to love me .

These thoughts were consuming me , when suddenly weather changed...white clouds were gone and dark clouds were everywhere hiding sun and sky beneath them..and I felt it , a hand on my shoulder. I turned my face and saw Isha standing behind me .

Her eyes filled with concern .

"Why you didn't received calls? ",She asked coldly and sits beside me . Both of our face towards the lake .

"I didn't listen", I said without looking in her direction.

"What do you mean by this ?? you didn't listen .. everyone is worried for you ..at least you should told them you are here ." She growled. I know they are worried because I barely talked to anyone after yesterday night and came here but I didn't said anything ..just staring towards lake .

She called me out again "Aaru I know you are not feeling good,you need time but you always said that if he ever rejects you ..you wouldn't become sad because we can't force someone to feel same .", those same words which I told her when I recall our first met . But this is hurting...I thought it would be easy to move on when he didn't felt like that .

But no , it was never about moving on from him ....it was just to hold his hand .. leaning on his shoulder in front of this lake .

"I know it's hard but I will try to overcome", I whispered in low voice .

"I know it will take time but you have to and I will be always there for you ", she assures me .

I turned my face towards her and smiled .. because I don't know what I am feeling. I want to cry but at the same time I don't want to .

I know I said that if he ever rejects me then I will not cry because at that time there were expectations .

There was ...may be !

Now everything is clear ....He made it clear that he doesn't feel same , he never felt. I was the one who was expecting all this.

"Ishu you know what is hurting me ", my eyes becoming wet and throat tightening up as I tried to say .She shooks her head and I continued

"He said may be it was attraction ".

Really, it was alright when he said he doesn't feel same but why he said that It was an attraction. "Was he mocking me "?

"Seriously, if he doesn't feel same then say that why he was saying all this ...like making fun of my feelings. It hurted me the most .", I shared what I was feeling.

"It's okk aaru ", with that she hugged me and I responded to her .

I hugged her tightly and cried my all heart out and rain started drenching both of us. But the cool droplets were doing nothing to ease the burning sensation of my heart .

It was like even weather is sad today ...it also want to cry ..like someone break his heart also .

Someone said it right "barish tb bhi hoti jb kisi ka dil rota h "and today I felt it .

I didn't stop crying not now ,tears were falling freely mixing with rain . After a while her voice came " It's okk aaru ..you will get someone better ."

I broke the hug and pulled myself back , staring at her drenched face .

"What happened!" She asked .

I didn't replied immediately . The thought of finding someone was foreign as it was not about "finding someone better", it was about to have someone which makes your heart to beat faster.

It was never about "better"it was about those imperfections for which you fall .

That's is the problem ' I don't want anyone else ". I replied.

"If not him then I am happy with my one sided feelings ".

And I meant it whatever I said . I never fall for anyone else he was the first and will be last .

She opened her mouth to say something but closed it immediately because she knows it is not time for argument or convincing me is hard ..so she left the discussion and asked to go home .

" Let's go ,You will caught cold or fever ".

I didn't get up still sitting...even not listening what she is saying, because my all thoughts were consumed by him .

The rain was falling harshly now , everything was dark around except the flash of flickering lights .

We turned around and saw a car stops near Lake ,it's headlight flickering over the abandoned road , it's light piercing through the droplets and a man emerged out from passanger seat wearing white shirt with black pants , he was none other than my brother.

His eyes squinted , to confirm if it was us and came towards me , his steps measured but fast and asked coldly " Aaru what are you doing here in rain ", before I say something he turned towards Isha - "what the hell are you both doing here in rain ", he growled .

My head was hung low because my eyes will be red and I don't know what to say . Getting no reply he sits on his knees near me and turns my face towards him and when he sees my eyes are red completely. His coldness changed in concern and asks calmly "Aaru are you crying, are you hurt somewhere or anything, see I am here ".

I lifts up my eyes heavy with tear and rain falling on my face and said with smile ... "Bhai !! Actually..."before I continue my words ...her eyes fell behind him . Another figure standing straight leaning against the car, his posture rigid ,his shirt clinging to him like his second skin showing his broad chest and shoulder and his eyes fixed on me .

My breath hitched by seeing him there , his gaze fixed on me . I didn't want to show him this side of me ...crying for him .

"Why he is here , now??", I wishpered to Myself.

I can't cry ...I shouldn't for someone who didn't feel anything for me .

"Nothing Bhai , I was not crying. Why made you think so ,that I was crying. ", I asked amusing .. trying to change the topic. But he is not making it easy .

"Then why your eyes are red ?", my brother questioned.

My face become more pale with his question . Now how I convince him . "Actually,Bhai rain drop fell in my eyes ."

(I know it was worst excuse . I can't even lie , I thought to myself .)

He starred my face for a second Obviously he was not convinced by my answer but still he didn't argued much . He stood up and helped both of us in standing up and walked towards the car .

Bhai and he both took their seats while me and Isha settled in backseat.

I was sitting in car leaning towards window behind the driver seat . He was driving while Bhai sitting on passanger seat .

His eyes meeting mine through the mirror. This time neither he broke the contact nor I blinked .

This fragile moment was enough to fall for him again .

But I also want to ask him , .. question him " Why you questioned about my feelings?".

But leaving it behind will be better for both of us . Our trance broke when Bhai asked him something .

They were talking about businesses. He is businessman also . But there is very less information about his family on internet and my brother never mentioned about him in detail or most of the time I am not even at house because I live in Mumbai for my studies . I came out from my thoughts when car stopped in front of our house after dropping Isha .

Now there is no rain . The dark sky looming over no stars just clouds and cool air brushing against the skin . I stepped out of car and headed towards door without even glancing back. My brother asked him to come inside but he refused.

Without paying much attention to them I came inside and then a bomb exploded.

A bomb of questions from my mother . She bombarded as soon as I entered inside .

"Where were you Aaru and why were you not receiving calls . See you are completely drenched in rain."

I convinced her by saying , I was coming home but suddenly rain started and all that ... with that I came in my room and changed my clothes and came downstairs for dinner.

After dinner , I told them about change in schedule and I have to go early . Though it was not a lie suddenly schedule has changed and I have to go .

Convincing my father and brother was easy but maa ..."No!!!"

After assuring her that it is my last semester than I will come here permanently and it's only about 1 month. After , a while she agreed.

With that I came in my room .

I tried to sleep but sleep was no where because all thoughts were revolving around him but I have to sleep because I have to go Mumbai tomorrow for my college .

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Morning,

"Aaru wake up otherwise you will get late ", my mother says sitting beside me on bed.

I lifted my head and put it on my mother's lap , my eyes still closed . She started caressing my head.

"Is there something beta which you are hiding" , my mother asked . My breath stopped for a while but I composed myself and replied with closed eyes . Like escaping from something

"Nahi ,maa. Why I will hide something from you ."

"Okk,if there is something then you can tell us , you know na ." She said while caressing my hairs .

"Ji ,maa.", I murmured.

"Hmm, Now get up and get ready otherwise you will be late .I am going downstairs for preparing breakfast,"saying this she walked downstairs. rother giving assurance.

A genuine smile came on my face after that night , watching my father and brother fighting over dropping me .

I stood up from my seat , taking a napkin and start cleaning my hand ." Where ? "My mother asked .

"I am done maa . ", I said while patting my stomach .

"No , you are not sit here and eat . ", she spoke without looking at me . I know what's coming next ..still I argued .

"Maa no, I can't eat more . Please,you already feed me much .", I said with suckling face .

She narrowed her eyes and I turned my face towards my father pleading with eyes to deal with her . He gave me a smile and turned his face towards my mother " Disha ji it's alright, you really feed her much and she is going to college not for a war ."

"I know she is going college but if you forget let me remind you ,her college is not nearby that she will return in evening .I told her to take admission near by but who listens to me ."

Yes , only this was left . Before this talk turns into argument I turned on my heels and made my way to my room ."I am going to recheck my bags ."

I entered in my room and start checking my bags that everything is at their place . After confirming everything is there ,I zipped up my bags and at the same time my brother came in room.

"Everything done ? "

"Yes , Everything is done ." I said moving to grab my bag .

"Okk , give me side , I will place them in car . "

He took my bags and I followed him . My parents were standing in the hall . My mother was sad I know how she was controlling herself and beside her my father standing a smile placed on his lips .I know they are sad even I am not happy. But I have to go .

I came to my parents and was about to touch their feet . But my father stopped me in middle placing his hand on my shoulder he pulled me back , because he doesn't like when ,I touch his feet .

"How many times I have to told you that don't do this ? ", he said with fake glare .

"But"...

"No ", he stopped me in mid sentence,With that he hugged me and kissed me on my forehead,I tried so much not to cry but still some stupid tears threaten to spill but I hold them back ..and turned towards my mother and hugged her .

"If something happens then immediately call me ,Okk .I am always there for you ."

"Hmm" , i replied. Suddenly a sharp sound of honking slicing the air came and it was from my brother's car , "Aaru come we are getting late ."

"Yes , coming" , after glancing towards my parents last time I came outside, where my brother was waiting.

I opened the passanger side gate and adjusted my self in car and closed the door with soft thud and fastened seat belt around me.

"Done!!" my brother voice came .

"Yes ."

"Okk let's go "with that he started engine of the car and I glanced towards main door where my parents were standing I waved towards them with a smile .But something felt off this time . Ignoring this thought I smiled . My brother presses the accelerator and the car sped off.

After a ride of 50 minutes our car came at halt and we stepped outside. All the way from home to airport my brother was telling me to call him when ever I need anything and message him daily, eating on time . This habit of my brother never changed even when from last 2.5 years I am away from house . He always cares for me.

After stepping outside we made our way towards airport .

After security checking and other formalities we made our way ahead . There was 30 minutes to take off to Mumbai.

My brother was sitting next to me I asked him to go and do his work but he refused.

"Bhai , you can go . You also have your work" . I insist ,But he refused.

We were sitting there and my brother was telling me again same things and I was listening like a child . Nodding at his words and then announcement of take off made .

I hugged my brother and made my way towards my destination.

I don't know why but this time I was feeling off . My heart was pounding in my chest . Maye be my overthinking.

This is the last month and I will achieve my dreams . So , no overthinking but the feeling of uneasiness is not leaving me.

But I have to go , "Away from him".

"But is it possible to go away from someone who stays in your breath whole time ."

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To be continued .......